The Shoe

© Ayr/Gray

The Unicorn Challenge.

A magical new weekly writing opportunity from him – C. E. Ayr – and me.
The rules are
Maximum of 250 words.
Inspired by photo prompt.
That’s it.

Click here to read other stories from the prompt: 31/05/24

The Shoe

It’s the shoe that finally breaks me.
Just a lone shoe discarded in the gutter
And suddenly, tears are rolling down my cheeks.
The other shoe lies inside the holiday apartment, part of the horrific crime scene I’ve just come from.
I’ve been called to incidents like this a hundred time, seen close up how one human being can brutalise another.
I’ve never got used to it, but I’ve learned to deal with it.
This reaction is not like me.
My style is calm, detached, analytical.
It’s why I’m good at what I do.
I solve murders as if they were puzzles and the crime scene is the start of the puzzle.
When I put on the protective clothing, it’s a symbolic gesture for me.
It does more than protect the evidence,
It separates me from feelings so that I can focus on facts, just facts.
And what I don’t do – ever – is betray emotion.
So my colleagues are at a loss to understand me today.
But this brutal stabbing of a frail old lady – in town, it seems, for a surprise party for her daughter’s birthday – this is mindless violence.
The missing handbag is incidental.
She was stabbed repeatedly and savagely.
It looks like he took sadistic pleasure in the killing.
And that act of violence takes me to a place I’ve never been before.
I turn to my team, point to the shoe.
‘This is my mother’s shoe,’ I say. ‘And today is my birthday.’

9 comments

  1. Like a knife to the gut, or the heart.

    What started off with a jaded detective at the breaking point over her grisly job ending with the most personal of crimes, an unspeakable violation of family …. what a horror for your MC, something from which I fear she will never recover.

    I was captivated by your voice in this one, Jenne. An awful story told so very well in clipped, one line sentences. A great write!

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  2. yow!*

    While I enjoyed the ‘sharp-angle close’, I’m totally glad to have another effective story to (try to) disassemble in the hopes of improving my own craft

    *in admiration for possessing the skill to spring a surprise on a fairly jaded bunch of Readers**

    **’jaded in only the best sense of the word

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  3. ‘Calm, detached, analytical’ can only be sustained to a point. I like how you’ve given the narrator such a clipped, matter-of-fact voice here. We know from the start that something has happened to break down her ‘protective clothing’ but the reveal at the end takes her experience much deeper. The calm tone of the narrator takes on another level of poignancy by the time the truth is out.

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  4. As te above comments say, Jenne, you have absolutely nailed the voice here.

    You start by telling us you’re broken, then build the mystery as to why in a cynical, world-weary, matter-of-fact way before hitting us with the reveal.

    Masterly, especially with one eye!

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